Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I will NOT be moved!!!

So yeah the Devil is trying his hardest to attack me and break my down and I feel like I'm letting him. My Grandpa who is really old and I am really close to fell a few days ago and knocked himself unconscious. He was home alone. He couldn't remember how long he was down or what really happened. I walked in that afternoon just to say hi and get a drink of water and when I came out of the kitchen he just wasn't himself, so I asked him what was wrong and he told me he fell. Now my grandpa is VERY stubborn and a retired Air Force basically can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do LOL! and boy did he prove that this day. He didn't want to go to the ER or for me to call my Gram who was out shopping or my Mom. He would not even go see his Doctor. He is alright now just bruised and sore but let me tell you that for a few days I was so adamant about not doing YWAM because this was one of my weaknesses, my family being hurt and me not being able to see them or help them in any way. Satan obviously used that to his advantage. I had just started feeling better when my mom and I got a call that my brother got kicked in the head while playing soccer and we had to go get him. He was and is fine but it was scary and if I was not here, who would have driven his truck home?

So I get over that and now my latest dilemma is that I found out today that I am going to have surgery on my knee next Friday. I have had pain in my knee for years but have been told over and over and over that it was because I have trouble with my opposite ankle and each time I have to be on crutches for my ankle my knee has to work harder. Well, it turns out that I have actually have horizontally torn my Medial Meniscus. Yeah I was like "ummmmm yeah I don't even know how to pronounce that word!" Ha! But come to find out its pretty bad and I need surgery. The only thing is that I am supposed to leave two weeks from today for YWAM and now I'm not even sure if I will be able to go. My Doc said I "should" but not on the first day, maybe a few days later. Yeah um, I have to be there the first day for Orientation. We called YWAM and talked to my Leader and he was totally cool. Very encouraging and he said he does not see why I can't come if I will be healed by the time we leave the Country at the end of the year which I totally should be but I don't want to be a burgeon to anyone. I hate the thought of someone having to carry my books and help me with just about everything. You know what I mean? I guess it just boils down to a pride issue that i need to suck up and deal with. I really wanna go now. I have made friends already on Facebook that i can't wait to meet in person and have already waited for what feels like a billion years for this day to come. I could wait and go next semester (January) but oh man that is like a lifetime away.

So that is my life in a nutshell. Sorry to sound like a Debbie Downer but sorry Susan I'm being real. That's how I feel right now. If you wanna join me in prayer though I'd really appreciate it.

I'm gonna be thinking and praying the next few days so I'll post again soon and let you know what I've decided.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Almost Time

So I have really been struggling the past months about going to YWAM but the closer and closer the day gets I am actually more excited now!! I have gone through the range of emotions from (Step 1) ubber stoked and can't wait to get out of here. (Step 2) Eh I don’t really want to go; I'm going to miss something major here and end up regretting it. (Steps 3-6) Were me debating back and forth between going or not. (Step 7) I'm going to do this! It’s what God has called me to do! (Step 8) Satan get behind me and stop telling me lies because I know you are mad that I'm going to do what the Lord has called me to do so what, it’s not up to you! I'm going to keep my eyes on JESUS! (Steps 9&10) Let’s get er done stage because I’m more stoked then ever but I still have Lots to do SO little time :)

So yeah that's basically what my life has consisted of lately but I know in the tears and sadness God is going to totally blow my socks off when I get to YWAM and when I am fully committed to living for Him and telling more people about the one and only love that can conquer all!

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.